For most of us, at some point in our lives, we will have experienced insecurity for one reason or another.
Self-doubt and insecurity is a powerful emotion, and if you aren’t careful, it can eat away at you, envelop you, and make life pretty darned miserable.
The good news is that dealing with insecurity can be done, and as daunting as it may seem, it is not as difficult as some people would have you believe.
One thing we need to know about insecurity is the fact that we can feel insecure in our relationships, we can feel insecure about our bodies and our appearances, and we can feel insecure about ourselves in general.
Whereas some people are better at dealing with insecurity than others (or they’re better at hiding it) insecurity will likely affect us all at some point. If you find yourself in the midst of a bout of insecurity, here are several tried and tested ways to get over it in relationships and life in general.
What insecurity truly feels like
Before we can look at ways to overcome insecurity or dealing with insecurity, we must first ensure that we all truly understand what insecurity actually feels like.
Whenever we feel insecure, it doesn’t matter what is causing it, the simple fact of the matter is that at that specific moment in time, we are never able to fully trust and appreciate ourselves or live in the moment.
Feeling insecure is like feeling that you are never good enough, and not being able to relax and let your guard down fully.
People dealing with insecurity often find that this acts as a precursor for more serious mental health issues and disorders such as anxiety, stress, or depression. Those who are insecure feel as if they are never good enough and feel worthless and hopeless.
Insecurity can eat away at us if we let it, but thankfully, dealing with insecurity can be done, and it is possible to overcome it before it truly mentally finishes us off.
How to deal with insecurity?
Now that we have a rough idea of what insecurity actually feels like, we can now look at what you can do to overcome insecurity or dealing with insecurity.
1: Stop making it all about you
This may sound harsh, but the reality of insecurity is the fact that it is a toxic trait, and it is a selfish trait as well. Whilst we don’t willingly choose to feel insecure, the simple fact of the matter is that insecurity is selfish as people often make it purely about them, especially in relationships.
Insecurity can really put stress and strain on a relationship, which is why it is so important that you address it head-on. Say for example, you wish to be intimate with your partner, but they aren’t in the mood, don’t automatically assume that it’s about you and that they don’t find you attractive. It could just as easily be down to the fact that they’re tired, feeling unwell, or that they are simply not in the mood.
Insecurities, especially in relationships, cause people to over-analyze everything, and this can sometimes result in them berating their partners, or constantly seeking reassurance from them, which will ironically have the opposite effect.
2. Realize your true worth
Another very useful tip for dealing with insecurity is to realize your true worth.
You matter, and you deserve to be treated with care, respect, and love. The important thing here is to reaffirm this and to continue telling yourself that you matter.
Then, and only then, will you realize your true worth in life. If you can’t appreciate yourself, how can you expect others to appreciate you? When you’re feeling down on yourself, just remind yourself that you matter, focus on all of your positive traits, and tell yourself that you matter and remember what your true worth really is.
3. Identify what your insecurities actually are
One of the first things you need to do in order to overcome your insecurities is to identify precisely what they are.
Take a moment to stop and figure out what your insecurities really are. What is it that is making you feel insecure? Are you insecure about your weight? Do you feel as if you are not good enough for your partner, do you feel as if you are failing in life? Whatever it is that is making you feel insecure, the first thing you need to do is find out exactly what is causing it.
Now, in order to do this, you are going to have to delve deep and uncover things which ordinarily you would repress and put to the back of your mind to forget about. The deeper you delve, the more you will find out about yourself and the more you will uncover about why you’re insecure about certain things.
Once you identify what is truly causing you to feel insecure, you can then begin working on ways to overcome said insecurity and begin moving forwards. This is very essential in dealing with insecurity.
4. Stop saying that you are insecure
When it comes to dealing with insecurities, another very effective strategy is to stop saying that you are feeling insecure.
If you are looking to better yourself and get over your insecurities, you need to change your narrative, and you need to alter the way you think. If you keep telling yourself, your partner, or anybody else, that you are insecure, this is almost like reaffirming it, and if you aren’t careful, it will define you.
Stop slapping negative labels on yourself and instead start looking for positive traits.
The more positive characteristics and traits you can apply to yourself, the better about yourself you will feel. People dealing with insecurity need to stop saying they are insecure.
5. Try to stop overthinking
Now, we need to be careful that we don’t sound condescending here because telling somebody to stop overthinking can sometimes be easier said than done.
Different people have different personalities and traits, and sometimes people just overthink even the seemingly most trivial of things. Sometimes, telling somebody to stop overthinking is like telling somebody suffering from depression not to feel depressed. With that said, though, it is possible to stop overthinking, and it can be very beneficial.
Overthinking will not benefit anybody, and it will eat away at you and leave you feeling vulnerable, emotional, and insecure if you let it.
If a comment or a certain action leaves you feeling slightly insecure, try not to dwell on it and overanalyze it as this will likely make you feel worse, and you will probably uncover yet more things to feel insecure about.
If something happens which is not ideal, shrug your shoulders, tell yourself that it is what it is, and remind yourself that there is nothing you can do about it and try to put it to the back of your mind.
6. Don’t beat yourself up
People dealing with insecurity need to ensure that they don’t beat themselves up. Feeling insecure is bad enough, but if you also start mentally beating yourself up for how you feel all you will wind up doing is making yourself feel considerably worse.
People that are dealing with insecurity don’t willingly choose to feel the way that they feel, and if they beat themselves up mentally, all this will do is make them feel worse.
If you feel insecure, accept the fact that you are feeling the way that you are feeling and look for ways of overcoming it and rectifying the issue. If somebody that you cared about was being harsh on themselves, you’d likely say something to reassure them, so why not reassure yourself?
It pays to be kind, including being kind to yourself, so just remember that.
7. Let go of all of that baggage
When dealing with insecurity, another top tip for being trying to feel less insecure about a relationship or themselves is to let go of any emotional baggage they may be carrying.
Unless you happen to be very fortunate, there will have been times in the past where you were in a relationship with somebody that was far from ideal. Chances are that they may even have treated you poorly and may have broken your trust.
As awful as this is, the thing we need to remember here is that this is all in the past and we need to let go of it quickly. People that have been cheated on in the past, for example, often find themselves struggling with insecurity and dealing with trust issues. Often they’ll wonder if the reason their partner cheated was because of something they did, the way they looked, or the way they acted. Furthermore, they often have trust issues in future relationships.
The fact of the matter when dealing with insecurity in a relationship is that you must forget the past and let go of any emotional baggage you may be carrying. Just because an ex-partner cheated on you, that does not mean that your new partner is going to do the same.
8. Remember that everybody thinks differently
As far as dealing with insecurity goes, another important thing to remember is the fact that not everybody will think the same way that you do.
When dealing with insecurity in a relationship for example, just because you think a certain way, this does not mean that your partner will think the same way that you do.
If for example, you feel insecure because your partner doesn’t kiss you goodnight before going to sleep, that doesn’t mean that everybody thinks that way. You might feel insecure about it, but they might not consider it to be that much of a big deal. This could also be tied back into not overthinking as, to you, then not kissing you goodnight is a big deal, but to them, it’s not an issue at all.
You must remember that not everybody thinks the same way as you do, and just because you think things should be done a certain way, this doesn’t actually make it so.
9. Stop burying your head in the sand and start communicating
Often, when we find ourselves feeling insecure over something, the ironic thing is that it could easily be rectified with a simple conversation. Many people, though, choose to bury their heads in the sand, metaphorically speaking of course, and convince themselves that everything is fine when it isn’t.
If you’re insecure because your partner has been distant or because they aren’t being as intimate or affectionate with you lately, don’t keep putting off asking them what is wrong, just go ahead, take the plunge, and ask outright.
Putting off uncomfortable conversations may be convenient at the time, but ultimately it is something that needs addressing.
Often, people dealing with insecurities of this nature will put off uncomfortable conversations because they’re scared of what they might hear. If their partner has been distant, they’re scared that if they confront them, they’ll tell them that they are having an affair or have fallen out of love with them, so insecure individuals would rather bury their heads in the sand for fear of what they might hear.
In truth, though, this does no good at all and in reality often when you face your fears and say what is on your mind, you’ll find that you actually had nothing to worry about. Whereas in your head, your partner was distant because they were having an affair or had fallen out of love with you, in truth it could be that they are simply not feeling very well or are tired.
Once you confront your fears and ask them outright, often what you hear will help set your mind at ease. This is a very essential piece in dealing with insecurity.
10. Don’t be scared to ask for help
When dealing with insecurity, one of the best things you can do, yet one of the most daunting is to ask for help.
Whether you are insecure about how you look, your finances, your relationship, or anything else, one of the most important things you need to remember is to ask for help.
Now, it could be that your insecurities lie in your appearance, perhaps your weight, in which case help could come in the form of a dietician, a personal trainer, or a fitness expert who can help you to lose weight and improve your body.
For others, though, insecurities may be more deeply rooted in something a great deal larger, such as a traumatic event in the past, or a repressed memory of a past trauma, in which case psychological help should be sought out.
If you are struggling with insecurities, it is vital that you ask for help if you feel as if you truly need it as the sooner you seek help, the sooner you can get yourself on the path to recovery.
11. Try to build up your confidence
As far as dealing with insecurities goes, one of the best ways of getting over your insecurities is to build and grow your confidence instead.
The best treatment for insecurity is self-confidence and self-belief, and take it from us; they can easily be cultivated if you know what you’re doing.
If you are insecure about your weight, address your diet and your exercise habits and look for things that you can do to lose weight and improve your physique.
If you simply feel insecure in your own skin, go ahead and write down a list of your positive traits or simply write down your achievements, no matter how trivial they may be. To some people, getting out of bed in a morning and showering is nothing. To somebody dealing with crippling depression, though, getting up, showering, and getting dressed is a huge achievement and is one which should be celebrated.
Each day, read back your achievements from the previous day and try to find ways of topping them. Remember, what may seem like small achievements at the time, can pave the way to big achievements overall.
12. Stop comparing yourself to others
One of the main reasons why insecurity is rife in this day and age is due to the fact that people often compare themselves to others.
Whether it’s airbrushed celebrities on Instagram or ripped and muscular fitness models in magazines and on social media, we often find ourselves comparing ourselves to others and judging our own happiness based upon what we think society would expect of us.
When dealing with insecurity, one of the best things which we can do is simply not compare ourselves to others.
Okay, so your friend has more money in the bank than you, or your sister’s partner is in better physical shape than you, so what? Does that make you any less of a person? Absolutely not.
When you see anybody else, regardless of their circumstances or yours, don’t compare yourself to them, or them to you, because really, what is that achieving, and what impact will that have on your life, other than add to your insecurities?